He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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