i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize