this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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