i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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