Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
