You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Even my vagina gasped.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
