3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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