i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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