turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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