He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
