I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
