I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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