I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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