sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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