Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
