I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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