Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
