It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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