I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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