Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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