i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sober January is a disaster.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
