Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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