stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
