I think my vagina is haunted
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There r osticjed everywhere
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
