Tell her she can't have a vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
