So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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