You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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