Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
