We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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