9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize