My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
