Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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