are you so shy because you have an std?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
