we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My dick has a subreddit
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
