Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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