***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
