I just cut my nipple shaving
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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