The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
