My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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