I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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