guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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