so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
