Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
