Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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