Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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