oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
