help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
our cab driver is having phone sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
