i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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