how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
