real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
