I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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