The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
