Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
