He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
