I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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