you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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