i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
