i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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