Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am spending my child support on dildos
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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