so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
