If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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