she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
