Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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