my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
