just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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