so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
