Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
