3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
