do herpes really smell.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize