Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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