YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm like, not good at living.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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