The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
