Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
