hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
